Understanding the Lives of Clinically Diagnosed Narcissists: Beyond the Negative Labels.

On occasion, Jay Spring feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments often turn “really delusional”, he explains. You feel invincible and you tell yourself, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I stand above others … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are often coming after a “crash”, a period when he feels sensitive and ashamed about his conduct, rendering him especially susceptible to criticism from those around him. He first suspected he might have NPD after researching his symptoms on the internet – and eventually confirmed by a specialist. Yet, he is skeptical he would have taken the label if he hadn’t independently formed that realization personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – most notably if they feel feelings of superiority. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve built up. And within that framework, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining The Condition

While people have been called narcissists for decades, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the term. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” explains a leading researcher, noting the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he notes many people conceal it, due to significant negative perception around the disorder. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a strategy of using people to bolster one’s self-esteem through behaviors including seeking admiration,” the specialist clarifies. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in NPD Presentation

Although three-quarters of people diagnosed with NPD are men, studies points out this figure does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the covert form, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, as with everything in society,” notes a young adult who posts about her co-occurring conditions on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

Individual Challenges

I find it difficult with receiving negative comments and being turned down,” she explains, since when I’m told that I am at fault, I often enter defence mode or I withdraw entirely.” Although experiencing this response – which is often called “self-esteem damage”, she has been trying to overcome it and accept input from her support system, as she doesn’t want to slip into the negative conduct of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners as a teenager,” she states. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she says she and her partner “maintain an agreement where we’ve agreed, ‘If I say something messed up, if my words are controlling, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have healthy examples during development. It’s been a process of understanding continuously what is acceptable versus unacceptable to say in conflicts because I never had that in my formative years,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my household were criticizing me during my childhood.”

Underlying Factors of NPD

Conditions like NPD tend to be associated with difficulties as a child. Heredity is a factor,” explains a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “linked to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he states, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting particular demands. They then “persist in applying those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the those diagnosed, one individual thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The individual explains when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve good grades and career success, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he states. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t forming deep connections, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, in a comparable situation, struggles with feelings. She is “very supportive of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he explains – it was surprisingly, she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

Following an appointment to his doctor, he was directed to a mental health professional for an evaluation and was given the NPD label. He has been put forward for therapeutic sessions on the public health system (ongoing counseling is the main intervention that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the treatment delay for 18 months: “They said it is expected around maybe February or March next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a handful of people about his NPD diagnosis, because “prejudice is common that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, in his own mind, he has accepted it. The awareness assists me to comprehend my actions, which is positive,” he comments. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are pursuing treatment for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the condition. But the growth of NPD content creators and the development of virtual networks indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number